I nearly died 2 days ago.

I was crossing the road, when a car came to me, slowed down but skidded as the driver was speeding.

If I were to die on that day, Im sure Ill go to hell.


God is the most merciful. But God is also most fair. So, if I do wrong or didnt do what im told, its only fair that He punishes me. I keep on saying that Ill try my best but then again, I did nothing.

Ive got hormones, Ive got this inner rebellious me and Ive got my urges and stuff. Forget about the blasphemy, simple things like praying 5 times a day, I cant do. Actually its easy, but for example, when im out, you will tend to forget or careless about it.

I ever asked my dad, "Pa, ya know, im sure God will forgive all those good non-muslims who tried to look for the truth but how about people like us muslims who seek and found the truth but cannnot obey the simplest of commandments?"...

Without knowledge, there is no faith. I have the knowledge, I have faith, but I have doubts about myself.

There was a tale where a prostitute was clensed off all her sins just because she saw a thirsty dog and gave it water. Sex outside marriage is considered very blasphemous and the penalty is death. But God clensed her soul and probably sent her to heaven just because of this simple act.


I am sinful, I dont deserve heaven. Its only fair that I go to hell. God is most fair.


Dad keep saying that the most faithful will always have this fear. But whats the use of this fear of mine when Im doing nothing to change myself. Its all talk but no action.


Im 18. Im old. Im going to die soon. I better do something quick. Now.



Cos tonight when I sleep, I might not even wake up.